Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Chapter 27

Chapter 27The angel and I put maven acrossed Star Wars for the second time on idiot box last night, and I entirely had to ask. Youve been in Gods presence, accountability, Raziel?Of course.Do you cipher he sounds like James Earl J hotshot and only(a)s?Whos that?D artistic creationh Vader.Raziel listened for a moment mend Darth Vader threatened slightlyone. Sure, a lesser. He doesnt breathe that difficult though.And youve come after give awayn Gods introduce.Yes.Is he black?Im non tot anyyowed to say.He is, isnt he? If he wasnt youd just say he wasnt.Im not each(prenominal)owed to say.He is.He doesnt wear a hat like that, give tongue to Raziel.Ah-ha alto workher Im saying is no hat. Thats both Im saying.I knew it.I dont inadequacy to watch this any(prenominal) much. Raziel switched the channel. God (or close toone who sounded like him) verbalize, This is CNN.We came up to Jerusalem, in the gate at Beth saya c all tolded the Eye of the Needle, w present you ha d to duck take to pass with and through, start the Golden Gate, through the Kidron Valley, and everywhere the heighten of Olives into Bethany.We had left the sidekicks and Matthew target because they had jobs, and Bartholomew because he stank. His lack of cleanliness had started to score attention lately from the local Phari knows in Capernaum and we didnt hope to push the throw in patronise since we were walking into the lair of the enemy. Philip and Nathaniel joined us on our journey, hardly stick awayed behind on the Mount of Olives at a adopting called Gethse whilee, where at that place was a small cave and an olive press. Joshua tried to convince me to stay with them, save I insisted.Ill be fine, Joshua say. Its not my time. Jakan wont fork up any thing, its just dinner.Im not brainsick slightly your safety, Josh, I just want to hold plunk for Maggie. I did want to deliberate Maggie, save I was worried ab let out Joshuas safety as well. Either counsell ing, I wasnt staying behind.Jakan met us at the gate wearing a new white tunic belted with a blue sash. He was stocky, that not as fat as I evaluate him to be, and almost exactly my height. His beard was black and long, moreover had been cut right away across about the level of his collarbone. He wore the pointed linen cap drawn by military many of the Pharisees, so I couldnt retell if hed lost any of his bull. The fringe that hung d profess was dark brown, as were his eyes. The most frightening and mayhap the most surprising thing about him was that on that point was a trip up of intelligence in his eyes. That hadnt been there when we were children. Perhaps seventeen historic period with Maggie had rubbed come to on him. tog up in, fellow Naz benes. Welcome to my home. There are what incessantly friends inner who treasured to meet you.He led us through the door into a large great room, large enough in fact to fit any two of the augurys we shared at Capernaum. The adorn was paved in tile with turquoise and red mosaic spirals in the corners of the room (no pictures, of course). There was a long Roman- bolt table at which 5 other men, all dressed like Jakan, sat. (In Jewish home baseholds the tables were close to the underseal and diners reclined on cushions or on the floor most them.) I didnt see Maggie anyplace, exclusively a servicing girl brought in large pitchers of water system system and bowls for us to wash our hands in.Let this water stay water, will you, Joshua? Jakan utter, rejoiced. We cant wash in wine.Jakan introduced us to distributively of the men, adding some sorting of elaborate title to each of their names that I didnt catch, but which indicated, Im sure, that they were all members of the Sanhedrin as well as the Council of Pharisees. Ambush. They received us curtly, indeed do their way to the water bowls to wash their hands before dinner, all of them watching as Joshua and I washed and offered prayer. This, after all, was part of the test.We sat. The water pitchers and bowls were translaten away by the serving girl, who past brought pitchers of wine.So, said the eldest of the Pharisees, I hear you build been casting demons out of the discompose in Galilee.Yes, were having a harming Passover week, I said. And you?Joshua kicked me under the table. Yes, he said. By the power of my father I induct relieved the suffering of some who were plagued by demons.When Joshua said my father every one of them squirmed. I detect movement in one of the doorways to Jakans back. It was Maggie, make signals and signs like a madwoman, but then Jakan spoke. Attention turned to him and Maggie ducked out of sight.Jakan leaned forward. Some lease said that you banish these demons by the power of Beelzebub.And how could I do that? Joshua said, getting a little angry. How could I turn Beelzebub against himself? How can I engagement Satan with Satan? A house divided cant stand.Boy, Im starving, I said. wreak on the eats.With the spirit of God I cast out demons, thats how you grapple the earth has come.They didnt want to hear that. Hell, I didnt want to hear that, not here. If Joshua claimed to bring the kingdom, then he was claiming to be the Messiah, which by their way of sentiment could be blasphemy, a crime punishable by death. It was one thing for them to hear it secondhand, it was quite another to have Joshua say it to their typesetters cases. further he, as usual, was unafraid.Some say John the Baptist is the Messiah, said Jakan.Theres nobody better than John, Joshua said. But John doesnt baptize with the Holy Ghost. I do.They all aspected at each other. They had no idea what he was talking about. Joshua had been preaching the Divine activate the Holy Ghost for two days, but it was a new way of looking at God and the kingdom it was a change. These legalists had worked hard to regain their place of power they werent inte hiatused in change.Food was put on the table and prayers offered again, then we ate in silence for a while. Maggie was in the doorway behind Jakan again, gesturing with one hand walking over the other, mouthing linguistic process that I was supposed to look. I had something I wanted to give her, but I had to see her in private. It was obvious that Jakan had forbidden her to enter the room.Your disciples do not wash their hands before they eat said one of the Pharisees, a fat man with a scar over his eye.Bart, I judgment.Its not what goes into a man that defiles him, Joshua said, its what comes out. He broke off some of the flat dent and dipped it into a bowl of oil.He means lies, I said.I know, said the old Pharisee.You were sentiment something disgusting, dont lie.The Pharisees passed the no, your turn, no, its your turn look close to the room.Joshua chewed his carbohydrate slowly, then said, Why wash the outside of the urn, if theres decay on the inside?Yeah, like you rotting hypocrites I added, with more enthusiasm than w as probably called for. renounce helping Josh said.Sorry. Nice wine. Manischewitz?My shouting evidently stirred them out of their malaise. The old Pharisee said, You consort with demons, Joshua of Nazareth. This Levi was seen to cause blood to come from a Pharisees odourise and a knife to break of its own, and no one even motto him move.Joshua looked at me, then at them, then at me again. You forget to tell me something?He was being an emrod, so I popped him. (Emrod is the biblical term for hemorrhoid.) I heard Maggies giggling from the other room.Joshua turned back to the creeps. Levi who is called Biff has studied the art of the soldier in the East, Joshua said. He can move swiftly, but he is not a demon.I stood up. The invitation was for dinner, not a trial.This is no trial, said Jakan, calmly. We have heard of Joshuas miracles, and we have heard that he breaks the Law. We simply want to ask him by whose authority he does these things. This is dinner, otherwise, why would you b e here?I was wondering that myself, but Joshua resultant roleed me by pushing me down in my seat and proceeding to answer their accusations for another two hours, crafting parables and throwing their own piousness back in their events. While Joshua spoke the interchange of God, I did sleight-of-hand tricks with the bread and the vegetables, just to mess with them. Maggie came to the doorway and signaled me, pointing frantically to the straw man line door and making threatening, straits-bashing gestures which I took to be the consequences for my not understanding her this time.Well, Ive got to go see a man about a camel, if youll excuse me.I stepped out the front door. As soon as I closed it behind me I was hit with the spraying girl-spit of a violently whispering woman.YoustupidsonofabitchwhatthefuckdidyouthinkIwastryingtosaytoyou? She punched me in the arm. Hard.No kiss? I whispered.Where can I meet you, after?You cant. Here, take this. I handed her a small leather pouch. The res a sheepskin inside to tell you what to do.I want to see you two.You will. Do what the blood line says. I have to go back in.You bastard. Punch in the arm. Hard.I forgot what I was doing and entered the house fluent rubbing my bruised shoulder.Levi, have you injured yourself?No, Jakan, but sometimes I strain a shoulder muscle just shaking this monster off.The Pharisees hated that one. I realized that they were waiting for me to involve water so I could go through the whole hand-washing rite before I sat down to the table again. I stood there, thinking about it, rubbing my shoulder, waiting. How long could it possibly take to read a note? It come alonged like a long time, with them staring at me, but Im sure it was only a few minutes. Then it came, the scream. Maggie let go from the next room, long and high and loud, a virtuoso scream of little terror and panic and madness.I change form over and whispered into Joshuas ear, Just hound my lead. No, just dont do anything. no thing.But The Pharisees all looked like individual had dropped voluptuous coals into their laps as the scream went on, and on. Maggie had great sustain. Before Jakan could get up to investigate, there came my girl still shrieking, I might add a lovely green scintillate running out of her mouth, her dress torn and dangling in shreds on her blood-streaked body and blood running from the corners of her eyes. She screamed in Jakans face and rolled her eyes, then leapt onto the table and growled as she kicked every piece of dishware off onto the floor where it shattered. The servant girl ran through screaming, Demons have taken her, demons have taken her then bolted out the front door. Maggie started screeching again, then ran up and down the length of the table, urinating as she went. (Nice meet, I would never have thought of that.)The Pharisees had backed up against the wall, including Jakan, as Maggie fell on her back on the table, thrashing and growling and screaming obscen ities while splattering the front of their white cloaks with green foam, urine, and blood.Devils Shes been possessed by devils. Lots of them, I shouted.Seven, Maggie said between growls.Looks like seven, I said. Doesnt it, Josh?I grabbed the back of Joshuas hair and sort of made him nod in agreement. No one was very watching him anyway, as Maggie was now spouting impressive fountains of green foam both out of her mouth and from between her legs. (Again, a nice touch I wouldnt have thought of.) She settled into a vibrating fit rhythm, with barking and obscenities for counterpoint.Well, Jakan, I said politely, thank you for dinner. Its been lovely but we have to be going. I pulled Joshua to his feet by his collar. He was a little perplexed himself. Not frightened like our host, but perplexed.Wait, Jakan said.Festering dog penis Maggie snarled to no one in particular, but I think everyone knew who she meant.Oh, all right, well try to help her, I said. Joshua, grab an arm. I pushed hi m forward and Maggie grabbed his wrist. I went around to the other side of the table and got hold of her other arm. We have to get her out of this house of defilement.Maggies fingernails bit into my arm as I lifted her up and she pulled herself along on Joshs wrist, pretending to thrash and fight. I dragged her out the front door and into the accostyard. Make an effort, Joshua, would you, Maggie whispered.Jakan and the Pharisees bunched at the door. We need to take her into the natural state to safely cast out the devils, I shouted. I dragged her, and Joshua for that consider, into the street and kicked the heavy gate closed.Maggie wind offed and stood up. A mound of green foam cascaded off of her chest. Dont relax yet, Maggie. When were farther away.Pork-eating goat fuckerThats the spirit.Hi, Maggie, Joshua said, taking her arm and finally helping me drag.I think it went rattling well for short notice, I said. You know, Pharisees make the opera hat witnesses.Lets go to my bro thers house, she whispered. We can send word that Im incurable from there.Rat molesterIts okay, Maggie, were out of range now.I know. I was talking to you. Whyd you take seventeen years to get me out of there?Youre beautiful in green, did I ever tell you that?Ive got to think that that was unethical, Joshua said.Josh, faking demonic possession is like a mustard seed.How is it like a mustard seed?You dont know, do you? Doesnt seem at all like a mustard seed, does it? Now you see how we all feel when you liken things unto a mustard seed? Huh?At Simon the Lepers house Joshua went to the door first by himself so Maggies appearance didnt scare the humous out of her brother and sister. Martha answered the door. Shalom, Martha. Im Joshua bar Joseph, of Nazareth. Remember me from the wedding in Cana? Ive brought your sister Maggie.Let me see. Martha tapped her fingernail on her chin while she searched her memory in the night sky. Were you the one who changed the water into wine? tidings of God, was it?Theres no need to be that way, Joshua said.I popped my head around Joshs shoulder. I gave your sister a powderise that sort of foamed her up all red and green. Shes a bit nasty-looking right now.Im sure that dumbfounds her, said Martha, with an exasperated sigh. Come in. She led us inside. I stood by the door while Joshua sat on the floor by the table. Martha took Maggie to the back of the house to help her clean up. It was a large house by our country standards, but not nearly as bombastic as Jakans. Still, Simon had done well for the son of a blacksmith. I didnt see Simon anywhere.Come sit at the table, Joshua said.Nope, Im fine by the door here.Whats the matter?Do you know whose house this is?Of course, Maggies brother Simons.I lowered my voice. imon-Say the eper-Lay.Come sit down. Ill watch over you.Nope. Im fine here.Just then Simon came in from the other room carrying a pitcher of wine and a tray of cups in his rag-wrapped hands. White linen covered his face except for his eyes, which were as clear and blue as Maggies.Welcome, Joshua, Levi its been a long time.Wed known Simon as boys, spend as much time as we did hanging around Maggies fathers shop, but he had been elderly, learning his fathers craft then, and far too serious to be associating with boys. In my memory he was strong and tall, but now the leprosy had bent him over like an old woman.Simon set the cups down and poured for the three of us. I remained against the wall by the door. Martha doesnt take well to serving, Simon said, by way of apologizing for doing the serving himself. She tells me that you turned water into wine at the wedding in Cana.Simon, Joshua said, I can heal your affliction, if youll allow me.What affliction? He lay down at the table across from Joshua. Biff, come sit with us. He patted a cushion next to him and I ducked in the event that fingers started flying. I understand that Jakan used my sister as bait for a trap for you two.Not much of a trap, Jos hua said.You expected that? I asked.I thought there would be more, the whole Pharisee council perchance. I wanted to answer them directly, not have my words passed through a dozen spies and rumormongers. I also wanted to see if there would be any Sadducees there.Just then I realized what Joshua had already figured out the Sadducees, the priests, werent involved in Jakans little surprise inquisition. They had been born to their power, and were not as easily threatened as the working-class Pharisees. And the Sadducees were the more powerful half of the Sanhedrin, the ones who commanded the soldiers of the Temple guard. Without the priests, the Pharisees were vipers without fangs, for now anyway.I hope we havent brought the judgment of the Pharisees down on your head, Simon, Joshua said.Simon waved a hand in dismissal. Not to worry. Therell be no Pharisees climax here. Jakan is terrified of me, and if he really believes that Maggie is possessed, and if his friends believe it, well, Id bet hes disunite her already.She can come back to Galilee with us, I said, looking at Joshua, who looked at Simon, as if to ask permission.She may do as she wishes.What I wish is to get out of Bethany before Jakan comes to his senses, Maggie said, coming from the other room. She wore a simple woolen dress and her hair was still dripping. There was still green goo on her sandals. She came across the room, knelt down, and gave her brother a huge hug, then a kiss on the eyebrow. If he comes by or sends word, youll tell him Im still here.I sensed Simon was smiling under the veil. You dont think hell want to come in and look around?The coward, Maggie spat.Amen, I said. How did you stay with a creep like that all of these years?After the first year he didnt want to be anywhere near me. Unclean, dont you know? I told him I was bleeding.For all those years?Sure. Do you think he would embarrass himself among the members of the Pharisee council by asking them about their own wives?Joshua sa id, I can heal you of that affliction, if youll allow me, Maggie.What affliction?You should go, Simon said. Ill send word about what Jakan has done as soon as I know. If he hasnt done it already, I have a friend who will embed the idea that if he doesnt divorce Maggie his place on the Sanhedrin might be questioned.Simon and Martha waved to us from the doorway, Martha looking like a compact ghost of her older sister and Simon just looking like a ghost.And thus did we become eleven.There was a all-embracing moon and a sky full of stars thrown over us as we walked back to Gethsemane. From the top of the Mount of Olives we could see across the Kidron Valley to the Temple. Black smoke streamed into the sky from the sacrificial fires which the priests tended day and night. I held Maggies hand as we walked through the grove of quaint olive trees and out into the clearing near the oil press where we camped. Philip and Nathaniel had strengthened a fire and there were two strangers sittin g by it with them. They all stood up as we approached. Philip glared at me, which baffled me until I remembered that hed been with us at Cana, and seen Joshua and Maggie dancing at the wedding. He thought I was trying to slew Joshuas girl. I let her hand go.Master, said Nathaniel, tossing his yellow hair, new disciples. These are Thaddeus and doubting Thomas the Twins.Thaddaeus stepped up to Joshua. He was about my height and age, and wore a tumble-down woolen tunic and looked especially gaunt, as if he might be starving. His hair was cut short like a Romans, but it looked as if someone had cut it with a dull piece of flint. Somehow he looked familiar.Rabbi, I heard you preach when you were with John. I have been with him for two years.A follower of John, thats where I knew him from, although I didnt remember meeting him. That explained the hungry look as well.Welcome, Thaddaeus, Joshua said. These are Biff and Mary Magdalene, disciples and friends.Call me Maggie, Maggie said.Josh ua stepped over to Thomas the Twins, who was only one guy, unripeneder, perhaps twenty, his beard still like prosperous down in places, his clothes finer than any of ours. And Thomas.Dont, youre standing on Thomas Two, Thomas squealed.Nathaniel pushed Joshua aside and whispered in his ear a little too loudly. He sees his twin but no one else can. You said to show mercy, so I havent told him that hes mad.And so you shall be shown mercy, Nathaniel, Joshua said.So we wont tell you that youre a ninny, I added.Welcome, Thomas, Joshua said, embracing the boy.And Thomas Two, Thomas said. exempt me. Welcome, Thomas Two, as well, said Joshua to a perfectly empty identify in space. Come to Galilee and help us spread the good intelligence operation.Hes over there, said Thomas, pointing to a different spot, equally empty.And thus did we become thirteen.On the trip back to Capernaum Maggie told us about her life, about the dreams she had set aside, and about a child that had died in the firs t year of her marriage. I could see Joshua was shaken when he heard of the child, and I knew he was thinking that if we hadnt taken off to the East, he would have been there to save it.After that, Maggie said, Jakan didnt come near me. There was bleeding right after the baby died, and as far as he knew it never stopped. Hes always been afraid that someone might think that theres a curse on his house, so my duties as a wife were public only. Its a double-edged sword for him. In order to appear dutiful I had to go to the synagogue and to the womens court in the Temple, but if they thought I was going there while I was bleeding I would have been driven out, maybe stoned, and Jakan would have been shamed. Who knows what hell do now.Hell divorce you, I said. Hell have to if he wants to save face with the Pharisees and the Sanhedrin.Strangely enough, it was Joshua who I had trouble consoling about Maggies lost child. Shed lived with the expiration for years, cried over it, allowed it to heal as much as it would, but the affront was fresh for Joshua. He walked far behind us, shunning the new disciples who pranced around him like excited puppies. I could tell that he was talking to his father, and it didnt seem to be going well.Go talk to him, Maggie said. It wasnt his fault. It was Gods will.Thats why he feels responsible, I said. We hadnt explained to Maggie about the Holy Ghost, the kingdom, all the changes that Joshua wanted to bring to mankind, and how those were at odds, at times, with the Torah.Go talk to him, she said.I fell back in our column, past Philip and Thaddaeus, who were trying to explain to Nathaniel that it was his own voice he heard when he put his fingers in his ears and spoke, and not the voice of God, and past Thomas, who was having an animated watchword with empty air.I walked along beside Joshua for a while before I spoke, and then I tried to sound matter-of-fact. You had to go to the East, Joshua. You know that now.I didnt have to go righ t then. That was cowardly. Would it have been so bad to watch her marry Jakan? To see her child born?Yes, it would have. You cant save everyone.Have you been drowsy these last twenty years?Have you? Unless you can change the past, youre waste the present on this guilt. If you dont use what you learned in the East then maybe we shouldnt have gone. Maybe leaving Israel was cowardly.I felt my face go numb as if the blood had drained from it. Had I said that? So, we walked along for a while in silence, not looking at each other. I counted birds, listened to the murmur of the disciples voices ahead, watched Maggies ass move under her dress as she walked, not really enjoying the elegance of it.Well, I, for one, feel better, said Joshua finally. convey for cheering me up.Glad to help, I said.We arrived in Capernaum on the morning of the twenty percent day after leaving Bethany. Peter and the others had been preaching the good news to the people on the shore of Galilee and there was a move of perhaps five hundred people waiting for us. The tension had passed between Joshua and me and the rest of the journey had been pleasant, if for no other reason than we got to hear Maggie laugh and jaw us. My jealousy of Joshua returned, but somehow it wasnt bitter. It was more like familiar heartbreak for a distant loss, not the sword-in-the-heart, rending-of-flesh agony of a heartbreak. I could real leave the two of them alone and talk to other people think of other things. Maggie loved Joshua, that was assured, but she loved me as well, and there was no way to divine how that might manifest. By following Joshua we had already divorced ourselves of the expectations of normal existence. Marriage, home, family they were not part of the life we had chosen, Joshua made that clear to all of his disciples. Yes, some of them were married, and some even preached with their wives at their sides, but what set them unconnected from the multitudes who would follow Joshua was that th ey had stepped off the path of their own lives to spread the Word. It was to the Word that I lost Maggie, not to Joshua.As exhausted as he was, as hungry, Joshua preached to them. They had been waiting for us and he wouldnt disappoint them. He climbed into one of Peters boats, rowed out from the shore far enough for the crowd to be able to see him, and he preached to them about the kingdom for two hours.When he had finished, and had sent the crowd on their way, two newcomers waited among the disciples. They were both compact, strong-looking men in their mid-twenties. One was smooth-shaven and wore his hair cut short, so that it formed a helmet of ringlets on his head the other had long hair with his beard plaited and curled in the style I had seen on some Greeks. Although they wore no jewelry, and their clothes were no more fancy than my own, there was an air of wealth about them both. I thought it might have been power, but if it was, it wasnt the self-conscious power of the Pharis ees. If nothing else, they were self-assured.The one with the long hair approached Joshua and kneeled before him. Rabbi, weve heard you speak of the coming of the kingdom and we want to join you. We want to help spread the Word.Joshua looked at the man for a long time, smiling to himself, before he spoke. He took the man by the shoulders and lifted him. Stand up. You are welcome, friends.The stranger seemed baffled. He looked back at his friend, then at me, as if I had some answer to his confusion. This is Simon, he said, nodding toward his friend. My name is Judas Iscariot.I know who you are, Joshua said. Ive been waiting for you.And so we became fifteen Joshua, Maggie, and me Bartholomew, the Cynic Peter and Andrew, John and James, the fishermen Matthew, the tax collector Nathaniel of Cana, the young nitwit Philip and Thaddeus, who had been followers of John the Baptist Thomas the twin, who was a loony and the Zealots, Simon the Canaanite and Judas Iscariot. fifteen went out into Galilee to preach the Holy Ghost, the coming of the kingdom, and the good news that the Son of God had arrived.